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Thursday, January 18, 2018
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
12 Ways to Beat Addiction
12 Ways to Beat Addiction
By far my most popular post is the gallery, “12 Depression Busters.” But those suggestions were actually a response to Beyond Blue
reader Peg’s query on how to stop smoking. They absolutely do help a
person fight depression and the ongoing war against negative thoughts;
however they were designed as techniques to use when getting pulled into
addictive behaviors.The last month or so I have used every single one of these. And I’m happy to report that I actually feel a lot freer from insidious, destructive behavior than I did several weeks ago. Here they are: 12 Addiction Zappers. They work!
1. Get Some Buddies
It works for Girl Scouts, depressives, and addicts of all kinds. I remember having to wake up my buddy to go pee in the middle of the night at Girl Scout camp. That was right before she rolled off her cot, out of the tent and down the hill, almost into the creek.
Our job as buddies is to help each other not roll out of the tent and into the stream, and to keep each other safe during midnight bathroom runs. My buddies are the six numbers programmed into my cell phone, the voices that remind me sometimes as many as five times a day: “It will get better.”
2. Read Away the Craving
Books can be buddies too! And when you are afraid of imposing on others like I am, they serve as wonderful reminders to stay on course. When I’m in a weak spot, especially with regard to addictive temptations, I place a book next to my addiction object: the Big Book (the Bible) goes next to the liquor cabinet; some 12-step pamphlet gets clipped to the freezer (home to frozen Kit Kats, Twix, and dark chocolate Hershey bars); and I’ll get out Melody Beattie before e-mailing an apology to someone who just screwed me over.
3. Be Accountable to Someone
In the professional world, what is the strongest motivator for peak performance? The annual review (or notification of the pink slip). Twelve-step groups use this method–called accountability–to keep people sober and on the recovery wagon. Everyone has a sponsor, a mentor to teach them the program, to guide them toward physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Today several people together serve as my emotional “sponsor,” keeping me accountable for my actions: Mike (my writing mentor), my therapist, my doctor, Fr. Dave, Deacon Moore, Eric, and my mom. Having these folks around to divulge my misdeeds to is like confession–it keeps the list of sins from getting too long.
4. Predict Your Weak Spots
When I quit smoking, it was helpful to identify the danger zones–those times I most enjoying firing up lung rockets: in the morning with my java, in the afternoon with my java, in the car (if you’ve been my passenger you know why), and in the evening with my java and a Twix bar.
I jotted these times down in my “dysfunction journal” with suggestions of activities to replace the smokes: In the morning I began eating eggs and grapefruit, which don’t blend well with cigs. I bought a tape to listen to in the car. An afternoon walk replaced the 3:00 smoke break. And I tried to read at night, which didn’t happen (eating chocolate is more soothing).
p>5. Distract Yourself
Any addict would benefit from a long list of “distractions,” activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful “buddies” and can improve mental health), card games, movies, “American Idol” (as long as you don’t make fun of the contestants…bad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garage…or just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but I’d go classical).
6. Sweat
Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesn’t?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares weren’t friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I don’t know if it’s the endorphins or what, but I just think–even pray–much better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.
7. Start a Project
Here’s a valuable tip I learned in the psych ward–the fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new project–compiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college.
I went to Michael’s (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage.
However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because I’m thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.
8. Keep a Record
One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. It’s so easy to see this pattern in others: “Katherine, for God’s sake, Barbie doesn’t fit down in the drain (it’s not a water slide)” or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations.
That’s why, when I’m in enough pain, I write everything down–so I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe it’s the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.
9. Be the Expert
The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it ’til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. It’s the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, I’m inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.
10. Grab Your Security Item
Everyone needs a blankie. Okay, not everyone. Mentally ill recovering addicts like myself need a blankie, a security object to hold when they get scared or turned around. Mine is a medal of St. Therese that I carry in my purse or in pocket. I’m a bit of a scrupulous, superstitious Catholic (I fit the religious OCD profile), but my medal (and St. Therese herself) give me consolation, so she’s staying in my pocket or purse. She reminds me that the most important things are sometimes invisible to the eye: like faith, hope, and love. When I doubt all goodness in the world–and accuse God of a bad creation job–I simply close my eyes and squeeze the medal.
11. Get on Your Knees
This would be the addiction-virgin’s first point, not the eleventh, and it would be followed by instructions on how to pray the rosary or say the Stations of the Cross. But I think that the true addict or depressive need only utter a variation of these two simple prayers: “Help!” and “Take the bloody thing from me, now!”
12. Do Nothing
If you do nada, that means you’re not getting worse, and that is perfectly acceptable most days. After all, tomorrow is another day.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Jun 2010
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Girlfriend, you Are beautiful! Be You! Change the World.
3000 Years Of Beauty Standards In 3 Minutes
Beauty is indeed in the eye
of the beholder, but our idea of beauty over the past few decades has
most definitely been programmed into us. Our youth are growing up with
mass amounts of marketing around them, as they watch television and
participate in life, they are constantly bombarded with a picture of
“what is beautiful.” It’s a shame how our children grow up striving to
achieve that particular look, and how they can be made to feel “ugly” if
they do not fit the accepted model of what our corporations have
defined as beautiful. As a result, our youth are not addressing their
feelings and emotions, always being taught to look outside of themselves
instead of within themselves for the answer.
“If tomorrow, women woke up and
decided they really liked their bodies, just think about how many
industries would go out of business.” – Unknown
It’s quite ridiculous when you think
about it, because the programmed idea of beauty isn’t even real. What we
see all around us everyday through mass marketing campaigns are often
fake photoshopped images and looks that are not even realistically
obtainable. It would serve all of us well if we could accept and let go
of our perceptions that have been programmed into us of what we think
real beauty is. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe this is happening, but
we still have a long way to go. It’s not easy to re-wire your brain when
it has been bombarded with the idea of “what is” since childhood.
“When you start to look at people’s heart instead of their face or body, life becomes clear.” – Unknown
That being said, the idea of what a
woman should look like has usually come from a place of authority.
Women, and women’s rights in general have been suppressed, and in some
cultures, for thousands of years. Throughout history there are many
instances where they have not been viewed or treated in the way that
they should be. There is no man, there is no woman, there is only human
and we are all the same. Both genders have been subjected to programming
for a long time, and both have been told what their role is by
authority figures.
For a long time, the world and/or
authority figures have had a desire to control women’s bodies, and women
in general -not to mention their behaviours and identities. The world
is changing rapidly, and this is one aspect of many that is also
changing as we move through 2015.
“This control is such a deep
part of our culture that we hardly ever realize how cruel it is and how
it restricts our personal choice. I don’t believe it’s enough to
discuss exclusively the issues that affect a specific group of women. We
also need to talk about racism, homophobia, transphobia, classicism,
xenophobia and ableism. The fight for equality and respect is very wide
and should be inclusive.” - Carol Rossetti
In the video, a cast of models came together to portray what the different ideal body types have been throughout various historical periods. We all might have an idea about how they dressed, but the ideal body types have probably not occurred to many of us. Although some might find this video inappropriate, they chose to wear what they wore to help emphasize the difference between their bodies and to help viewers forget about other things like jewellery and clothing.
The video shows how the interpretation
of female beauty with regards to body type has changed over time, but it
seems the next period of “what is beautiful” is going to be about
looking within, observing the heart and more qualities that resonate
with the soul. This, I have no doubt, will become the new “definition”
of what is beautiful as we move away from the material, into the
immaterial. The post “shift in consciousness” idea of beauty is going to
be the real one, something that is necessary (out of many other things)
if we are to change our world and the direction we are heading.
I chose to share the video because it
will definitely get you thinking about something that’s probably not
thought about often. It will definitely have you asking some questions
to yourself, at least it did for me.
Related CE Articles:
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Renew your Mind Body and Soul
7 Steps to Renew Your Mind, Body, and Soul in 2015
Bustle and philosophy partnered to bring you New Year, New You. Get a free sample of philosophy’s renewed hope in a jar here.
In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s surprisingly easy to forget to take care of yourself. Between classes, deadlines, work, and friends, it sometimes takes genuine effort to take a moment and work on number one: you.
As the New Year approaches, it’s a good time to reset and renew. It’s an opportunity to focus, re-energize and re-inspire yourself: mind, body, and soul. After the hectic holidays are over and you’ve completed your yearly obligation to make small talk with your weird cousins, the New Year really is the opportune time to focus on what you want to do — and accomplish — in 2015. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.
The simple act figuring out your goals — both ones you want to accomplish this week and others you hope to accomplish within five years — can be invigorating. Figure out what you want, make a plan to get there, and do it.
In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s surprisingly easy to forget to take care of yourself. Between classes, deadlines, work, and friends, it sometimes takes genuine effort to take a moment and work on number one: you.
As the New Year approaches, it’s a good time to reset and renew. It’s an opportunity to focus, re-energize and re-inspire yourself: mind, body, and soul. After the hectic holidays are over and you’ve completed your yearly obligation to make small talk with your weird cousins, the New Year really is the opportune time to focus on what you want to do — and accomplish — in 2015. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.
Keep a Journal
Let it all out. Whether you want to keep a physical pen-and-notebook journal or write a blog, it’s cathartic to write your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. You don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to — you can even keep that blog on a private setting — but if you’re the type to over-analyze or over-think, it might be a good thing to organize some of those jumbled thoughts on the paper. Get last year’s stresses written down, to make room for 2015 in your mind and soul.Put Yourself Out There, Friend-Wise
Making friends is hard. In many ways, making friends can be harder than making a romantic connection. But if you find yourself in a new city without the kind of friend you can call last-minute to grab a drink with and talk, it can be lonely. Approach the friend search with the same zeal you would do anything else. Be proactive. Join a softball league, take an art class, chat up the friendly-looking girl next to you in line at the clothing store. Don’t be afraid to ask for a number or make plans to meet for lunch. If you’re finding yourself having a major friend-crush, it’s likely she feels the same way. So do something about it. Your own well-being will improve when you’re surrounded with positive, like-minded people.Put Yourself Out There, Dating-Wise
There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to casually see. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting a bonafide boyfriend. Find out what you want and go for it. And once you find someone that fits what you’re looking for, tell them. It sounds cliché, but honesty is the best way to get what you want, especially when it comes to relationships.Find a Skincare Regimen That Works for You — and Stick To it
The variety of skincare techniques, tools, and washes out there is kind of insane. But once you find a skincare system that works for you, stick to it. There’s no worse feeling than that of an oncoming pimple, especially if you know it could have been prevented, had you not been too lazy to wash your face before bed. For great skin in the new year, see philosophy’s recommended products here.Read More
Reading is one of the greatest joys out there. Losing yourself in a new story can be highly therapeutic and you owe it to yourself to do it more. Borrow books from a friend, stop by a second-hand bookshop, or finally sign up for that library card. And if you’re having trouble figuring out which title you want to start with, here’s a list.Cook More
After a long day, it’s easy to default to takeout. After all, it’s a whole lot easier than taking the time to grocery shop and prepare a meal for yourself. But when you make the time — and put in the effort — to increase the number of meals you eat at home, you become more aware of what you put in your body and your overall well-being improves. And once you begin to exchange the pepperoni pizza or burrito for a well-balanced, home cooked meal on a regular basis, you’ll be surprised how easily it can fit into your schedule.Get Inspired
The simple act figuring out your goals — both ones you want to accomplish this week and others you hope to accomplish within five years — can be invigorating. Figure out what you want, make a plan to get there, and do it.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Sunday, November 17, 2013
The Devil Makes Christian Films? YES!
We all know that the slightest description of the true Christ in the Holy Scripture does NOT match the modern day European image or many of the other cultural depictions that have displayed the Christ based on their nationality or area of origin. Is this entirely wrong? Not really. If you think about it, God is all things to all people and who one person sees the Creator may obviously differ from the way another person sees His Only Begotten Son. Even in the Second Coming, when All Truth is revealed and the true face of the Lord and Savior is shown to all people, there will still be individual interpretations of what he looks like or doesn't look like. Yes, even with the Son of God, it is in the eye of the beholder how we mentally digest and file away our image of Him.
But even with that aside, we have to beg the rest of the issues in Hollywood. What's up with movie after movie, film after film, TV show after TV show, getting the details wrong?!
Would it kill Hollywood to just: tell the story and leave the man-made garbage out? Obviously it would kill man's wallet; ultimately, what man cares about more than the Word of God being accurately portrayed on film. Please take the time to click on the link below to learn more about how the Devil makes Christian movies which, in the end, should lead people to Christ, but somehow manage to only leave them more confused, disappointed and quite possibly, less than convinced of the Bible's true power than before they saw said film or TV show. Please feel free to comment or reach out with questions or concerns about this topic. And as always, thanks for stopping by and spending a little time with us here at Real Living with DeMaster Thomas.
Would it kill Hollywood to just: tell the story and leave the man-made garbage out? Obviously it would kill man's wallet; ultimately, what man cares about more than the Word of God being accurately portrayed on film. Please take the time to click on the link below to learn more about how the Devil makes Christian movies which, in the end, should lead people to Christ, but somehow manage to only leave them more confused, disappointed and quite possibly, less than convinced of the Bible's true power than before they saw said film or TV show. Please feel free to comment or reach out with questions or concerns about this topic. And as always, thanks for stopping by and spending a little time with us here at Real Living with DeMaster Thomas.
 | |
| http://www.thebereancall.org/content/bible-according-hollywood |
CLICK THE LINK ABOVE TO LEARN MORE
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Finding or Reprogramming Sex and Love: it IS possible
Finding Love
A new map of the path to intimacy
How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You
Cultivating healthy attractions: The love-skill we're never taught.
We can’t force our sexual attractions. Most of us have learned that the hard way.
Yet, there’s something profound that most of us have never been taught: Although sexual attractions can’t be controlled, they can be educated. This post will teach some ways to cultivate sexual and romantic attraction to people who are kind, respectful and available. Even if you’re relentlessly attracted to bad-boys or bad-girls, or to unavailable people, you can still develop this capacity!
These suggestions are not gimmicks, they are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy—the very same skills you will use to keep passion alive in your next serious relationship. .
The Attraction Spectrum
Every time we enter a room of people, we make choices based upon our attractions: Whom do we notice? Whom do we pass over? Deb, a young stockbroker from Chicago, once told me, “You know, it’s almost magical. I can go to a party, and there’s always one person I’m most attracted to. If I date him, within a few weeks or a few months I discover he has the same emotional qualities as my previous partner. But when I first saw him from across the room, I had no idea at all that this would be true!”
Yet, there’s something profound that most of us have never been taught: Although sexual attractions can’t be controlled, they can be educated. This post will teach some ways to cultivate sexual and romantic attraction to people who are kind, respectful and available. Even if you’re relentlessly attracted to bad-boys or bad-girls, or to unavailable people, you can still develop this capacity!
These suggestions are not gimmicks, they are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy—the very same skills you will use to keep passion alive in your next serious relationship. .
The Attraction Spectrum
Every time we enter a room of people, we make choices based upon our attractions: Whom do we notice? Whom do we pass over? Deb, a young stockbroker from Chicago, once told me, “You know, it’s almost magical. I can go to a party, and there’s always one person I’m most attracted to. If I date him, within a few weeks or a few months I discover he has the same emotional qualities as my previous partner. But when I first saw him from across the room, I had no idea at all that this would be true!”
See All Stories In
All of us are attracted to a certain type that stops us dead in our tracks: a physical type, an emotional type, and a personality type. Let’s say that there is a spectrum of attraction, from one to ten, and the people at the low end of the spectrum (like numbers one and two) aren’t physically or romantically attractive to us at all. But those on the “ten” end of the spectrum are icons: they’re compellingly attractive, they make us weak in the knees, and they trigger both our insecurities and our longing. Harville Hendrix, the founder of Imago Therapy, illuminates this phenomenon in a way which sheds light on our entire intimacy journey. He teaches that these people are so attractive to us in part because they embody not only the best, but also the the worst emotional characteristics of our parents!
Even though we may be adults, all of us have unresolved childhood hurts due to betrayal, anger, manipulation or abuse. Unconsciously, we seek healing through our partner. And we try to achieve this healing by bonding with someone who we sense might hurt us in similar ways to how we were hurt as children, in the hope that we can convince him or her to finally love and accept us.
Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which remind us of how we were wounded the most.
This explains part of why we get so awkward and insecure around people we’re intensely attracted to.
It also explains why our greatest heartbreaks often occur with these most intense, fiery attractions. Some of us react to these past heartbreaks by only dating those on the low end of the spectrum. We are frightened of the intensity and the risk of painful loss when we deal with people on the high end of the attraction scale. We often feel safest with people who don’t do much for us on a physical or romantic level because it just feels more comfortable that way. But the downside is usually boredom, frustration and lack of passion.
Many others only date people on the high end of the spectrum, just going for the iconic types, because they believe that that’s where real love and passion lie. With someone who is a “high number” on your attraction spectrum, you can tell that you’re attracted in a fraction of a second. While this can be achingly exciting, it’s rarely comfortable or secure.
In my experience, people who only date in the high number section of the spectrum are much more likely to remain single.
By contrast, attraction to people who are more in the middle of the spectrum is rarely immediate. With our mid-range attractions, it usually takes more time to really get a sense of how interested we really are.
People who are willing to date in the mid-range are more likely to find real and lasting love. It’s not a matter of selling out, because immediate attraction isn’t the best forecaster of future passion. Intense attractions blind us to the actual quality of our interaction with others, and to the actual characters of the people we date. Attractions can grow.
Many of us have had the experience of becoming more attracted to someone as we got to know him or her better.
Cultivating Attractions of Inspiration
So, what do we do when we meet someone who inspires us, and we feel some spark of attraction, but not enough to fall in love?
Sexual attraction is much more mutable than we’ve been taught. We all have types that turn us on immediately and intensely. But as I said, attractions can grow. It's doubtful that you’ll become attracted to someone who isn’t physically appealing to you. But if someone holds a spark of attraction for you, and has other qualities you love, your attraction can blossom. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t make a snap decision based upon whether you’re instantly attracted on a physical level. If you’re not sure, just keep dating. In time, something lovely may happen: He or she may actually become more beautiful to you. And if not, you’ll know that it’s time to stop dating them.
If you’ve ever seen artists working on a portrait, you will notice that they often squint. Squinting helps them focus on the essence of their subject without getting distracted by its harsh outlines. We need to do the same in our dating life. It’s so easy to get lost in the hard assessment of people’s imperfections, but it serves us better to simply sense their spirit. That is what makes attractions grow.
As we start to care more deeply about someone, invisible tendrils begin to grow in our thinking, in our sexual imaginings and longings, in our growing sense of dependence on that person. Our psyche, our sexuality, and our hearts begin to create attachment to that person, to make him or her our own.
When we build muscle through exercise, our body creates new capillaries to feed that muscle. When we create new love, something similar happens. New neural pathways, emotional pathways, new rituals, sense memories and needs get created. An entire web of new connections is created, as our hearts allow this once-stranger to become our loved one. We become specialized in them in so many ways. That’s why breakups can hurt with real physical pain; these lovingly-built tendrils are being ripped out, and that experience is anguish.
In many attractions of inspiration, it can take time for our attraction to build. In such cases, it can be difficult to stay; to resist fleeing in search of something more clear-cut. As a result, many potentially wonderful relationships get cut off before ever being given a chance. The truth is that we can deepen our healthy attractions, and we can intensify the passion in those attractions.
The more we focus on the things that trigger our desire, the more our passion can build.
If there’s a spark of attraction to someone special, and if you want to make that attraction grow, start by giving yourself space. No matter how wonderful the person, you’re not obligated to be more attracted to him or her than you are! Forcing your feelings will only block the natural flow of attraction. Instead, allow yourself to reflect on what attracts you to them; what turns you on and what you appreciate.
Think emotionally, but think physically too. What parts of their body attract you? What would you like to do with those parts? Take time to let your fantasies unfurl. You might simply want to hold hands at the movies. Or to kiss, or just gently touch lips for a long time. You might desire to touch and caress a part of your partner’s body, or have your partner do the same to you. You might imagine quick hot sex, long, lazy sex, or a really kinky fantasy. Honor whatever you’re imagining, and, as appropriate, see if you can ask for what you want—and no more. That’s how we can grow our passion.
I would also advise against having full sex for at least the first five or six dates. When we desire someone and then postpone the sex, surprising new pathways of attraction form. It’s a great way to grow passion. More important, having sex too early is like Miracle-Gro for our fear of intimacy. It makes us want to flee. So go slowly on the outside, but allow yourself free rein in your fantasy life!
And if your desire is more sensual than sexual, that’s fine too. A client of mine met a man who lives in Europe. She knew she liked him but she wasn’t attracted enough to want sex. She just wanted to cuddle. He invited her to visit but she wasn’t sure if she should make the trip. Speaking to her dating buddy, she said, “I don’t know if I should go all the way to Europe just to cuddle with someone.” Her wise friend replied, “Really? I can’t think of a better reason to go to Europe!” My client decided to take the trip, and over time they fell deeply in love. She was wise enough to take all the time she needed, and he was wise enough to let her.
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© 2012 Ken Page,LCSW. All Rights Reserved
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