Conviction and Breaking Free

To truly be convicted, what does it mean to us? For some, it is a sense of legalism or moral fortitude. For others, it may be viewed as oppressive and controlling. There is a fine line in the middle. Take personal life and career for example. Have you ever "cheated"? On a lover, at school, at work? How did it make you feel? Were you feeling empowered because you "got away with it" or were you feeling unsatisfied, knowing that what you did hurt someone or hurt yourself? If you are like most of us, you probably answered like this. Yes I have cheated, but I didn't think I was hurting anyone. Or yes I have cheated, but I had to do what I had to do to get by and move up or graduate to the next level. And then there are those who say, yes. I cheated. It was wrong. I did not honor my peers, I did not honor my lover and most importantly, I did not honor myself. I have learned from that experience and long to change my sense of conviction from punishment to purpose.

Okay so maybe not quite like that last person, you probably find your emotions are somewhere on the scale between all of the above. This, believe or not, is good. This means you still have a moral compass and you are still learning what direction to take in life to reach a healthy, prosperous goal and you are realizing that cheaters do not win and winners never lose. So you look at yourself and you convict yourself to being positive, aspirational, and overcoming. You convict yourself to making changes where necessary to reach the goals you seek. You set a main drive and purpose that becomes your fuel for fighting the good fight to overcome.

Do not despair. It gets greater later. You may say, so I've cheated. I broke a vow to myself and others involved in the situation. I may not be alone in my actions, but I am alone in my punishment and now only I can turn this around. How do I do it?

For relationships, educational and professional settings alike, cheating is not an option. If you do it, you may find yourself by yourself so it better be worth it. If you are one of the lucky ones to get a "second or third or fourth chance" then you better start applying the exercises of "rehabilitation" right away. Let's get started.

First: Relationships

Mending a broken "heart" requires surgery in an operating room. Mending a broken "spirit" from infidelity requires something a little bit more challenging. It requires you to change. It requires you to renew your mind and body and create a clean passage for true love to flow in and out again. Start by doing something-well-crazy. Talk to yourself! That's right, I said talk to yourself. After all, you're the only one who really cares what you have to say at this point anyway, so go for it. And be very attentive to how and what you say to yourself. Are you sewing positive reinforcements into the cleansing and restoration of your broken spirit or are you wallowing in the dust and debris of a fallen decision? Choose your words carefully. What you put in is what you will get out.

Once you have cleaned your house, then you can move to cleaning your home. In other words, fix you first, then work on fixing the relationship. Don't worry. Your spouse or lover has already forgiven you if you have even reached this level of repair after the "indiscretion." If they have not, then look on this site for the Forgiveness Lesson and then come back to this when you are ready to move on. For now, let's assume you have reached the level of forgiveness and you are ready to move on. Put this in your daily vocabulary to yourself and with your spouse and flourish in the growth of a healthy, renewed venture together.
1. CONFESS-admit to yourself you cheated. Then admit it to your spouse. It starts with you.
2. FORGIVE-part of forgiveness is letting go of past hurts and never bringing them up again to insult or gain power over each other.
3. FOCUS-concentrate on "each other" and rebuild that friendship first. Then gradually let your love for each other take its proper place in and out of the bedroom.
4. BUILD-through the process, you will find new ways to develop a new trust for each other. Mind you I keep saying 'each other' here because it takes two to tango. The one who cheated must be devoted and fully restored and committed before returning to the relationship and the one who got cheated on must be devoted and fully forgiving and understanding and willing to commit to allowing love and giving love in return in order for the relationship to grow stronger.
5. ENJOY-now this is a tricky one. Sounds easy enough. But believe it or not, many of us, do not truly "live in the joy" of a relationship. We go through the motions, we act in accordance with what we believe is right. But in the purest definition of the word, enjoy, how many of us really do this with each other? Well, if you want it to work you will. You have to allow it to enter into you and pour from you. Enjoy each other. Your laughs, smiles, jokes, character traits, physical traits, personality traits, and all of it in between. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Be glad in it and let it work in you and around you. Lucky for us, LOVE will do the rest.

Second: Your Job and/or School
We all have someone to answer to and we are all held accountable for our actions. Assuming that , we have "cheated" and we need to make it right. Okay, let's get started.

Contrary to popular belief, the answer here is NOT: "just don't tell anyone, especially the teacher, if you feel guilty about it or whatever...just don't do it again?" What? NO! Nothing is further from the truth. If you cheat in school and learn that you can "get away with it", you will continue to cheat in college or in the workplace or in the home and it will only get worse and you will develop a callus mind when it comes to making wise decisions. You will ultimately cheat yourself and you will fail! Guaranteed. Every time. The end result will always be the same. In the workplace, if you cheat to get ahead or to save your current job, you have done yourself a disservice as well as the company and make both of you look bad. You have done nothing more than "convict" yourself to shame and embarrassment. That is NOT how you want to play this so say bye-bye to "popular beliefs" that "it's okay to cheat as long as you don't get caught." You already got caught-by who? YOU! You saw you do it and you know what you did. And eventually, you're going to tell! That's right. On yourself. Ah yes. You are correct. The same principles are about to apply here as they do in your home life and relationships. Altered accordingly of course.

1. CONFESS-admit to yourself you cheated. Then admit it to your teacher or supervisor. It starts with you.
2. FORGIVE-part of repairing the damage is not to harp on it and let it detour you from getting a tutor, a study buddy or staying after school. All the same, do not let this hinder you from striving for that promotion or developing stronger skills in your current position. If you are truly cut out for your current or future line of work you are seeking, your natural talent and skills will get you there on merit and hard work without feeling like you have to lie and steal to get there. If you are still struggling with this, look on this site for Building a Better You for business. You are worth it. Do not give up. Forgive it and move on.
3. FOCUS-clear yourself of distractions that prevented you from learning the curriculum in the first place. What is it about this topic or topics that caused you to cheat? Is it a test? Homework? Subject matter? Something going on at home or at school that's keeping you from learning the material and actually succeeding on your own knowledge and skill? Find out what it is, remove it, and try again differently. Take the test again if able or do what is needed to move on, and be rewarded by overcoming and accomplishing on your own strengths and abilities. This will boost your confidence and lay ground for a better way of addressing these issues when they arise in the future. Which brings us to the job place. You are an employee and the same is expected of you. Even of you are the owner or the boss where you are. Cheating will not be tolerated by your workers, your board of directors, your investors, your tax preparers, your vendors, and most importantly, your customers. Do yourself a favor if you want to stay in business and focus on improving your product and services without having to compromise, cut corners and hurt others and yourself just to make a buck. It's just not worth it.
4. BUILD-through the process, you will find new ways to gain the trust of others and this trust will bring honor. Honor will bring reward, reward will bring prosperity and accomplishment. Your colleagues will respect you. Your superiors will appreciate you. And for those that do not, well they are not part of your support system anyway so their opinion doesn't matter. Keep going.
5. ENJOY-reap the benefits of your time and dedication, and remember to take time out to really relax in the results of your journey. You worked hard for it and you did it the way it should be done. This - no one can take from you. So enjoy it.

Alright so we have been convicted, we have broken free, and we are now reaping the benefits of a job well done. Our relationships at home are healthier. We're doing better in school and we're maintaining and elevating at work or in our careers. What have we learned along the way? We have learned to establish and/or uphold our Core Values. These are the roots of why we do what we do so well. You may have your own and they may change over time, but here are some basic core values for you just in case you need a little jump start or need to tweak your own.

Honesty: Consistently seek, embrace, and speak the truth in all matters.

Respect: Value self, others, property and diversity. Show appreciation for actions taken for your benefit. Understand where others rights begin and where your rights end.

Accountability: Take ownership of your actions as a person and with others.

Individual Responsibility: Use good judgment; choose wisely and treat kindly.

Civic Responsibility: Have the motivation, knowledge and ability to actively participate in a greater good for a stronger society.

Compassion: Express care and kindness for others and help when others are in need.

Courage: Face difficult situations with confidence and determination; standing up for one’s convictions when conscience demands.

Justice: Uphold the law, be considerate and demonstrate fairness and equality in all matters.

Fairness: All people are entitled to be treated equal without favoritism or prejudice.

Citizenship: Be a productive and contributing member of society, understanding the importance of being a part of the whole.

Industrious: Diligence and hard work leads to the achievement of personal and professional goals.

P.E.A.CE.

Positive Education Always Corrects Errors