https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-forgive-yourself
https://sunshynegray.com/how-forgive-yourself-move-on/
Five Tips For
Getting Over Past Mistakes
1. Understanding Your Mistakes
Occasionally we go
through life unhappily and not truly knowing why. Regret over a past mistake
you committed could be causing you to feel this way.
Being regretful involves
feeling bad about something you wish you had done differently. You may regret
things you did do (regret of action), or regret things you didn’t do (regret
of inaction).
It’s important to
understand the source of your remorse and to acknowledge your rationale for
doing, or not doing, whatever happened at the time.
2. Take Time To Grieve
Before you can accept
that what’s done is done, you need to grieve the regrets that are presently
holding you hostage.
If you feel you
mistakenly missed out on an opportunity because of past decisions – such as not
having children or not being closer with a family member, then take the time to
grieve that loss.
If it’s not too late to
alter the feeling of regret by taking some kind of action like reconciling with
that family member, then take advantage of the opportunity now. Sometimes
we have the opportunity to apologize if we regret how we handled a situation
with another person. If there is something you can do now, do it!
Forgive, make amends,
and convey your regret. We do not always have that chance, but we still need to
express these upsetting emotions that could be limiting our present happiness.
3. Express Your Feelings
Write your feelings out
– if only just for yourself. Bring these swarming, remorseful feelings out of
your head and onto paper. Write them in a journal, or write them on a piece of
paper to destroy in a way that makes you feel more fulfilled – like burning it.
Furthermore, while
you’re in the process of writing, remove the words, “If only…then” from your
vocabulary. Understand that worrying about the past is a potent prescription
for stress and health problems. Do not make the guilty feelings more powerful
by your fixation with them. You deserve to be good to yourself and have others
be good to you too.
4. Accept Your Past Mistakes
Some regrets can be
devastating and are not to be minimized. But there is no “delete” button for
past actions or inactions. And while it may be very difficult, try to find some
element of good that has come from that situation.
Remember that line from
Bob Ross we mentioned earlier? “There are no mistakes – only happy accidents.”
We have no choice but to accept what has happened and to think of the current
options we do have.
And, while you may not
be able to get over the consequences of prior decisions, you can let go of
obsessing over them.
5. Learn From Your Mistakes
Make changes in your
behavior to avoid similar faulty situations and decisions that brought you
guilt in the past. Do not lose the lesson from the supposed loss. Consider what
you could do differently today and start moving that way. How can you be a
better parent, a better friend, or a better spouse?
Stop “beating yourself
up” emotionally because of yesterday’s decisions and instead assess what
choices you do have! It is never too late for many life opportunities – to go
back to school or to learn a new skill, to connect with others in meaningful
relationships, or to change your negative self-perception or attitude.
Grow past the pain of
mistakes.
Grow past the shame.
Be deliberate. Be
active.
Be involved in things
that will bring you gladness, not guilt, for today and for the future.
