One for non-smoking
Written by: DeMaster
Thomas
9-12-01 4pm
So there I was, solitude.
One for non-smoking please I ask as usual. And order the same thing everyday. Tossed
salad and scrambled eggs. I got my
regular spot by the window and just sat and stared out into the traffic, city
activity and skyline. It caused my mind
to wander as my stomach adjusted…I… I
pandered my life in relation to current events and realized many philosophies
about myself and the life lived. And
mostly how bad this actually tastes. But
most of all, I realized my life was where it was for a number of reasons. One could be that it was created by the
choices I have made and the paths I have taken.
Another could be that things unexpectedly happen to me and I reacted to
them, changing my life without planning or notice. Then there is the notion that maybe God has
something else planned for me that I just haven’t found yet.
I know that in order to learn and grow, we must go through
many experiences in life and by this time, the eggs had settled and a touch of
gas passed through my mind and…I still drifted in scattered thought wondering
if maybe it was a combination of all of the above and more. I have seen family, friends and others overcome
some pretty serious obstacles in their lives and I am sometimes, simply amazed
at their abilities to move on with such strength and adversity. How it calmed me to smile gently and think of
the happiness their accomplishments brought us.
Actually, it’s kind of amazing to notice how much I’ve learned just by
those around me. But yet, there I sat,
alone. Still searching for whatever it
was I was looking for. I know it wasn’t
to be alone-again.
Here I am. No
children, no spouse, no lover and no big time career to eat away at the lonely
hours that filled my days. Bachelor hood
had completely engulfed me. The check
came and I chuckled a little under my breath.
I notice one thing that’s cool about living alone, it’s cheaper to dine
out when there’s only one order on the check.
But nonetheless, in my thoughts I found a resolution to rest my
mind. I began to realize that just like
everyone else, my life was simple but unique.
It was mine and no one else’s and that made it special. To the pretty memories of my past, for the
record, I love you. Thank you for
helping me to be where I am today. I
realized that I had made it through my own obstacles and overcome my own trials
and tribulations and most of all, I had my own fun-filled and loving stories to
tell. I ended my outing with a smile and
a small ounce of peace in my heart.
I realized that no matter what, I was still me. Regardless of my job, my social status or my
physical make up. It was still my soul
inside. Underneath the blanket of
depression was a bed of happiness. I was
actually proud of me. After all, I made
that bed of memories and continue to make new ones everyday. Today I decided it was okay to dream. It was okay to be myself and be proud of what
I want and have and have done. It’s okay
to be abstract and misunderstood. It was
all part of me and who I am. Thank God
my life was still mine and no one else’s.
There will be love for me one day.
I learned a long time ago to concentrate on the present and
use the past as a guide for the future.
Amen to that. And on that note, I
happily paid the server and headed out the door promising never to return. I promised myself from this day forward, I
would do things different from now on. Where
would I start? Well, the next time I sit
down eat; I think I’ll have the special of the day. J
