Sex, Love and Spirit: breaking addiction cycle

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Individual Achievement

 

Individual Achievement with Christ

Life is a process-take it personal. 

DeMaster A Thomas 7/1/2002

 

“It was not until I took it upon myself to try again for my degree.  I had failed in attempts times before and was quite discouraged.  It was only a matter of exceeding my own expectations that I even take the chance again.  I was encouraged by my wife and friends to try again.  My wife and I prayed to God for guidance, strength, patience and wisdom in pursuing this challenge.  However, it was not up to them to take the initiative and apply myself, it was up to me.  Through Christ, I had to make it my personal choice-something I wanted and believed in achieving.  I returned to college in the evenings, while working fulltime at my current job.  In a matter of only two years, I completed my courses and obtained my degree!”  Thank you, God. 

 

This example shows that individual achievement with Christ is a personal responsibility.  An open heart and mind, a positive mental and spiritual attitude are key factors.  Today everything seems to be a challenge from work to relationships to finances.  But only you have the authority to decide the outcome.  This is your free will to make your own decisions.  Here are a few guidelines to taking a Christian approach to personal development and reaching individual achievement.

Individual Achievement-

DEVELOP YOUR ABILITY.  The bible teaches us that…

It’s helpful to make a distinction between accountability and responsibility.  Accountability is an agreement to be held to account for some result.  Responsibility is a feeling of ownership.  You can assign accountability between yourself and others, but responsibility can only be self-generated.  Responsibility means to completely own – rather than deny, blame, or rationalize – your situation. 

 

Think of the cause-effect equation.  Instead of seeing yourself as the effect and something else as the cause, responsibility means seeing yourself as both the cause and effect of your situation. 

 

Accept that your past choices placed you in your current situation.  Also accept that you are in complete charge of your learning, improving, and growing in order to produce the results you want.  Several years ago, the Eagles had a hit called “Get Over It,” in which they railed against blaming others for one’s misfortune.  The only true way out of a fix is to get over it and develop your ability to respond – call it your response-ability.

 

COMMIT TO EXERCISING YOUR RESPONSIBILITY EVERY DAY.  That may sound odd – as if, like any competency, responsibility can be developed.  But the personal and professional rewards are substantial.  Affirm, “I choose to be 100 percent responsible in every aspect of my life and work.” 

 

RETAIN YOUR PERSONAL POWER.  Individuals can make a huge difference in the dynamics of a team, but most people don’t accept their power to make or break a collaborative relationship.  The most frequent excuse I hear from poor performance from otherwise highly skilled professionals is, “I got put on a bad team.”  To that I say, “How did you know the team was bad before you got there?”

 

Retain your personal power by treating every action and decision that affects you as one to which you consent.  No action or decision can stand unless you allow it.  Gandhi said that what people most fear is not their lack of power but rather their abundance of it.  Speak up when you disagree with your team’s purpose and direction.  Understand that going along without passion or commitment takes your team where no member wants to go.  Worse, complaining about other team members behind their backs is treasonous to team relationships and will earn you little respect or trust.  When you have an issue with a teammate, the most productive response is to state your concern directly to him or her so the two of you can resolve it. 

 

To build your personal power, make only agreements – no matter how small – that you fully intend to keep.  Then consistently improve your ability to do that.  When you fail to honor an agreement, clear it up with the other person at the first opportunity by acknowledging that you didn’t keep the agreement, apologizing for not coming through as promised, asking how you can make amends, and recommitting to the relationship. 

 

INCREASE YOUR PROVOCABILITY.  Here’s an actual scenario: When the team leader walked into the meeting eight minutes late and asked if everyone was ready to start, Ned said, “No.”  He then addressed the leader in a compassionate and even tone, “There’s something I need to check.  We all agreed to start and end team meetings on time.  Everyone else was ready to start the meeting on the hour.  Do we need a new or different agreement with you about this?” 

 

Ned was obviously provoked, and the team leader recognized that Ned had good reason to be.  He also saw that instead of attacking him, Ned just called “foul” and gave him an opportunity to account for his behavior.  The leader realized that the responsible thing to do was to own his mistake and apologize to Ned and the team for not keeping his agreement.  He then recommitted to being and end meetings on time, and he did that thereafter. 

 

Ned acted on – rather than denied or vented – his frustration with the team leader’s behavior.  Had Ned allowed the broken agreement and his frustration to slide by without comment, it’s likely that team meetings would’ve started later and later.  Ned and the group could have built up resentment and cynicism, and team performance would have suffered. 

 

Practice that lesson of personal responsibility by becoming increasingly intolerant of a difference between what you say and what you do.  Then, expect collaborators to honor all agreements you’ve made and to act only in your collective best interest.  Call “foul” at the earliest sign that agreements aren’t being honored, and do it with equal or lesser force than the force of the foul.  The secret to successful confrontation is to confront without inviting escalation or shaming the recipients.  That leaves room for them to respond.  Where greater force leads to escalation of a conflict, compassionate intolerance allows for reparation and correction. 

 

EXPERIENCE JUDGEMENTS FULLY, THEN LET THEM GO.  Traditional wisdom admonishes us to “judge not.”  That advice most often results in denial and resentment because not judging is nearly impossible.  Perhaps a better way to state it is, “understand and clear your judgement before it gets in the way of your communication.”  Your resourcefulness is limited when you’re stimulated from anger or right-wrong thinking.  When you feel upset with someone, explore your judgement completely to discover exactly what it is and where it comes from. 

 

Here’s a hint: The source of your judgement probably isn’t the other person, but you.  You might be mad at him or her, but you’re the one who’s choosing to be mad.  When you completely understand the source of your judgement, then and only then can you release it, let it go.  Sometimes, it helps to assist physically with the mental process of letting go.  You may open your hands (as if releasing a bird to fly away) or exhale as if breathing out the emotion. 

 

LEARN FROM EVERY UPSET.  High performers recognize that an upset is an opportunity to learn.  You can harvest value by asking yourself how your choices and actions landed you in the negative situation.  Determine how you can change your behavior to strengthen the team.  If you need to ask for new agreements with teammates, do it.  The key is not to avoid, eliminate, or cover up mistakes and upsets, but to learn, correct, and improve each time. 

 

MASTER YOUR INTENTIONS.  Psychologists say that we manifest whatever occupies our minds.  Golfers know that a dirty trick to play on the player at the tee box is to advise, “Watch out for the woods on the left.”  Then, because the woods occupy the player’s thoughts, that’s where the ball lands.  A reporter once asked golfing great Jack Nicklaus how he could step up to a 40-foot putt so confidently.  He answered, “Because in my mind’s eye, I’ve never missed one.” 

 

Clear intentions are the secret behind extraordinary performers.  The key skill is simple to explain: Know and picture your outcome.  Hear the desired sounds.  Feel the intended feelings.  And specify the results you expect to achieve.  Clear intentions (and your commitment) guide your behavior to deliver the desired results.  Use that awareness to develop integrity in your relationships.  Make your collaborative intentions known to your teammates.  Remember that intentions exist in the conscious and unconscious mind.  So, the next time you catch yourself taking words back by saying, "I didn’t mean it,” reflect on how you really might have meant it at some level. 

 

LIVE AND WORK ON PURPOSE.  If mastering your situational intentions provides power, consider the power of a clear and sustained purpose in your life.  By working with the conscious intention that comes from determining and knowing your purpose in life, you’ll integrate all of your actions and attract people who will help you achieve your purpose and who are served by it. 

 

How do you discover a purpose?  First, ask yourself what’s the best and most valuable use of your unique abilities.  Next, ask what you love to do that provides value to others.  Start designing your life and work to combine those two elements and you’ll be “on purpose.”  You’ll even appreciate learning from upsets and mistakes, because you’ll be doing so with a purpose. 

 

OPEN A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH A CONTRIBUTION.  Heads of state usually present gifts when calling on leaders of a foreign land.  The gifts symbolize a willingness to invest in the relationship before expecting a payoff.  Consider how that’s different from the typical instructions given to a task force by executives: “Listen politely, but don’t share or commit to anything yet.”  Even less responsible are people who approach a new relationship demanding an immediate answer to the question, “What’s in it for me?” 

 

Responsible collaborators start a new relationship by contributing intention, information, energy, access, or resources.  They demonstrate a willingness to invest and are willing to make a significant investment before demanding a payoff.  A successful practice attributed years ago to DuPont’s partnering with new entrepreneurs is to distribute the risk of a venture not according to investment, but according to who has the greater capacity to absorb it.  That’s a gift by a larger and more stable partner for the good of the partnership. 

 

BE A PRESENT HERO BY SERVING YOURSELF AND YOUR TEM SIMULTANEOUSLY.  When any one person could remove a barrier that everyone is stepping around, the hero is said to be missing.  My friend John is an example.  I’ve seen him stoop to pick up trash on the sidewalk or running trail dozens of times when I ignored it.  John doesn’t say anything about it or break stride.  He just carries the trash until he’s able to toss it into a bin.  Each time, I realize how responsible he chooses to feel for the space he shares with others, and I’m a little embarrassed by my apathy. 

 

Present heroes are people like John who are mindful of the abundance they enjoy as members of their families, teams, and communities.  They assume that it’s in their self-interest to invest a little personal energy to help the group, the community, society.  To put that attitude to work for you, choose one of the dozens of annoyances that you’ve been wishing someone on your team would take care of such as confronting a teammate’s difficult behavior or redesigning an inefficient work process – and take care of it yourself. 

 

Remember: Teamwork requires personal, individual action.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References:

Christopher M. Avery is a speaker, consultant, and author of Teamwork Is An Individual Skill:

Getting Your Work Done When Sharing Responsibility (Berrett-Kohler, San Francisco). 

Science and Faith: still a thing?

 

 

 

                                                                        DeMaster Thomas, 12/7/2002 

Since the dawn of man and technology the question has been asked, is science and religion the same or different?  Experts in both fields offer many opinions and theories but have never truly reached an agreement on an explanation of the relationship between the two.  Taking a fresh approach to the debate over science vs. religion requires removing oneself from either bias. 

Let us take a moment to consider this.  If indeed religion is simply a study of beliefs, it in fact, really has nothing to do with one’s faith in a particular deity.  In all actuality, religion has very little to do with God or the bible or any other doctrine for that matter.  Religion is simply something one does in a repeated, habitual manner.  Now faith finds a home in religion and so the two become one as time goes by. 

Faith in biblical description is the belief that the end result exists or will exist without proof.  There is no physical evidence, only a hypothesis or idea that the end result will eventually come to pass.  Doctrines of all have considered a basis of faith because the deity in which they truly seek and the works thereof are the end result yet to come.  Now science in simpler form is the study of what is and the possibility of what could be. 

It is formed around the idea of what already exists and again a hypothesis is drawn, a conclusion is devised and studies are based on the convincing of evidential results.  So, for a brief moment, the true sense of the both have become one.  Both science and faith rely on the same ingredients in order to exist.  Science and faith both share common purpose and goal.  The repetitious study of one or more entities driven by the need for end results.  Therefore, science is merely the explanation of faith.  They are one in the same.  The science of faith is a religion all its own.  So, does science leave room for faith?  Of course, one cannot exist without the other.

Biblical Leadership: It's Not too Late

 

Leaders and the Bible

As a Christian citizen, I am extremely concerned with the views our political leaders have regarding the Bible's definition of government.  It is imperative that today's heads of government realize that every move they make must be in accordance to the Will of the Highest Law.

The United States was NOT founded on these laws and unfortunately, they continue to fall further away from the true meaning and creed to be ‘one nation under God.’ 

According to the Bible, those in leadership positions and heads of government must recognize the original position of its council and departments.  They are there to serve, honor, protect and provide for the nation in which they govern.  It is not the intent of the governmental head to provoke war, ignore famine and poverty and operate a country without the guidance of Divine Law. 

This country could be easily cured of ninety percent of its problems, simply by turning to the Bible for answers.  It is the duty of the political leaders to obey God’s Will in ruling and acting as head of counsel. But if the political leaders refuse to acknowledge, learn, read, study and fully accept and enforce the teachings and commandments of the Divine Law, the heads and bodies of governments and in turn, society as a whole, will surely continue to fail in all its efforts to survive.

We will eventually die off completely.  Our societies have fallen in ruins due to corrupt operations and ruling without God’s Law as the center focus and purpose of structure.  The world, in whole, continues to create more and more ways to destroy itself and one day, it will be too late.  This is why I feel that our political leaders should return to the origin of governmental structure and find out what it truly means to be a ‘leader of nations.’ 

The answers to all of life’s problems used to be in the top drawer of every hotel in America.

by: DeMaster Thomas, 11/12/2002 

Do You Know? ( A College Experience )

 

DeMaster Thomas, 10/14/2002

Listening to my favorite Diana Ross tune put me into a really deep frame of mind.  Asking myself, do I know where I’m going?  Do I like the things life is showing me?  Where am I going with my future…do I know?  To be honest, I didn’t.  I knew that working one job for the rest of my life was completely out, unless I could work for myself and own a business.  And from that point on, it became my lifelong dream.

I was so intrigued by the venture capitalists.  They appeared to me movers, shakers, and big money-makers.  It appeared that they only worked as long as they needed to and they moved on to another venture.  But what would it take to get started?  Well, I did some research and found out some very interesting tidbits about venture capitalism.  According to ­Across the Board by Benno Schmidt, a firm’s mission statement should be   "We are here to invest in companies that we believe can succeed, companies with both management teams and purposes that we can wholeheartedly embrace, companies that it will be fun to work with as we build and companies of which we will be justly proud when we succeed."  So, I thought of ways to first, start a company, take the revenue and turn out an investment firm from it, that would do exactly that. 

Let the ideas begin!  I started out by drawing up a business plan that I felt would be successful.  It consisted of a parent company that would house brother and sister companies and in turn, create revenue to invest in other business and new innovations.  I created the layout of the property, the titles of each store within the property and set up a list of functions for each store to perform. 

I decided on which products would be sold where and how.  Now of course, great minds think alike.  I incorporated the ideas of my closest friends who shared my goal for making this business venture successful.  Together, we began to brainstorm many more branches of ideas. 

Then, we were faced with the final task.  Investment.  We had to find a way get money to make all these ideas come to life.  This is where my little song was not so inspirational.  It was as if there were ‘no open doors’ anywhere for those who have no money to get money to make money.  I was right back where I started with a dollar and a dream.  So, I decided to put the business plan on hold and find a way to generate the income that would be needed to give this plan life. 

Get That Money

                So, there we were.  Working to find a way to generate the money we would need to get our business venture off the ground.  We put together an independent record label that would generate income by selling the material produced by the artists.  The artists were of all kinds of music, including rock and house.  But it was mostly rap and rhythm and blues.  And of course, guess who was right there in the middle of it all, writing diligently and making songs…yes you guessed it…me.  I was doing something I had not done for two years.  I was making music and recording in the studio again.  This fit perfectly for what we were after.  You see, part of the business venture included a record company.  Another part of the venture included a clothing store that sold clothes, made and worn by the recording artists as well as other trendy fashions from other companies and designers.  There would also be a record store that sold all kinds of music and videos.  This was a ‘left hand feeds the right hand’ type of business.  Each one of the products that we created, fit in one of the stores in our shopping center.  This shopping center was more than just a flashy, trendy place for people to buy their latest and greatest favorites in music and clothes.  It was also home to a restaurant and a nightclub. 

 

Now, I’m sure that sounds like a lot, but hey, our mission was to get the money and make enough of it to rotate it over and over again.  After all, this was a career.  Not a job. 

This was something that was designed to maintain our lifestyle as well as the lifestyle of our children who would grow up to take over the family businesses. 

 

Well, two years passed and nothing had come of the ideas.  The music ventures never took off and I never really worked hard enough in researching to find an investor or list of investors that would take on such a venture.  So, my final goal of fulfilling my career interest as a venture capitalist, was far away from any length of vision I could ever imagine.  It was time to give up.  After all the work we put into our music, hoping it would sell and we would make enough money to start our businesses, we gave up.  The little voice in our heads saying, "get that money" was now saying, “stop wasting your time.”  So, I did. 

Now, all I do is look back on it and think of the “shoulda” “coulda” “woulda’s”.  It is still a dream of mine though.  I like the idea of the dream of being a venture capitalist but I don’t think I’m going to pursue it as a career interest anymore.  I guess I’ll go back to the drawing board and find another way.

One for Non-Smoking: A short story to inspire

 

                                                               One for non-smoking

Written by: DeMaster Thomas

9-12-01 4pm

 

So there I was, solitude.  One for non-smoking please I ask as usual.  And order the same thing everyday. Tossed salad and scrambled eggs.  I got my regular spot by the window and just sat and stared out into the traffic, city activity and skyline.  It caused my mind to wander as my stomach adjusted…I…  I pandered my life in relation to current events and realized many philosophies about myself and the life lived.  And mostly how bad this actually tastes.  But most of all, I realized my life was where it was for a number of reasons.  One could be that it was created by the choices I have made and the paths I have taken.  Another could be that things unexpectedly happen to me and I reacted to them, changing my life without planning or notice.  Then there is the notion that maybe God has something else planned for me that I just haven’t found yet. 

 

I know that in order to learn and grow, we must go through many experiences in life and by this time, the eggs had settled and a touch of gas passed through my mind and…I still drifted in scattered thought wondering if maybe it was a combination of all of the above and more.  I have seen family, friends and others overcome some pretty serious obstacles in their lives and I am sometimes, simply amazed at their abilities to move on with such strength and adversity.  How it calmed me to smile gently and think of the happiness their accomplishments brought us.  Actually, it’s kind of amazing to notice how much I’ve learned just by those around me.  But yet, there I sat, alone.  Still searching for whatever it was I was looking for.  I know it wasn’t to be alone-again. 

 

Here I am.  No children, no spouse, no lover and no big time career to eat away at the lonely hours that filled my days.  Bachelor hood had completely engulfed me.  The check came and I chuckled a little under my breath.  I notice one thing that’s cool about living alone, it’s cheaper to dine out when there’s only one order on the check.  But nonetheless, in my thoughts I found a resolution to rest my mind.  I began to realize that just like everyone else, my life was simple but unique.  It was mine and no one else’s and that made it special.  To the pretty memories of my past, for the record, I love you.  Thank you for helping me to be where I am today.  I realized that I had made it through my own obstacles and overcome my own trials and tribulations and most of all, I had my own fun-filled and loving stories to tell.  I ended my outing with a smile and a small ounce of peace in my heart. 

 

I realized that no matter what, I was still me.  Regardless of my job, my social status or my physical make up.  It was still my soul inside.  Underneath the blanket of depression was a bed of happiness.  I was actually proud of me.  After all, I made that bed of memories and continue to make new ones everyday.  Today I decided it was okay to dream.  It was okay to be myself and be proud of what I want and have and have done.  It’s okay to be abstract and misunderstood.  It was all part of me and who I am.  Thank God my life was still mine and no one else’s.  There will be love for me one day. 

 

I learned a long time ago to concentrate on the present and use the past as a guide for the future.  Amen to that.  And on that note, I happily paid the server and headed out the door promising never to return.  I promised myself from this day forward, I would do things different from now on.  Where would I start?  Well, the next time I sit down eat; I think I’ll have the special of the day.  J